(Versión en español aquí…)
First, I am Dómina and yes, I am looking for a submissive … sub-mi-ssi-ve. In other words, a man who doesn’t looks for someone who “forces” him to submit, but who wants to submit to his Dómina, even if he hasn’t previous experience. he must enjoy serving his Dómina and only Her in a formal relationship.
I say this because many people don’t understand D/s relationships are like any other relationship: there are two people, they like each other, they share interests, preferences, they have similar worldviews, there is chemistry, they have several dates, and if everythingthing is going well, they end up being a couple, like so many others, but in the privacy they express themselves in some different ways … some delicious ways.
In my experience, there are many fish in the sea, but Dómina fish, we are very few, less even than the real-submissive fish. What there are the most are men who fantasize about a woman pleasing them by dominating them, but as an occasional role-playing game, not as a relationship where the man enjoys serving his Lady.
That isn’t what I am looking for, I am not a Top. Yes, yes, I know… There are many definitions of Dominant and Top, and people who starts in BDSM usually doesn’t know this differentiation exists.
In the way I understand this, and also the way in which I assume it for myself, they are defined and differentiated like this:
A Dómina (Dominant woman), or Mistress establishes a relationship in which she spends time knowing her partner, She takes care of him, educates him, disciplines him, Her Domination transcends a session, it goes far beyond a game, it’s a way of expressing a couple relationship. Her counterpart is the submissive or slave.
A Top, in the other hand, is someone who plays a Dominant role with another person who performs the submissive role in a single session or occasional sessions, She may even not know him at all before, or never see him again, Her Domination doesn’t go far from what happens on the scene. Also, if the Top assumes this interaction as a service and charges or receives a payment for it, then She is a Dominatrix. The counterpart of the Top is the bottom.
Now we are going to define the difference between the terms Dómina and Mistress. The first time I knew they were different, it was precisely in my first session with a submissive. he told me: “The Dominant has a submissive, the Mistress has a slave”. That is correct, but not very clarifying, what’s true is that definition is defined by the type of relationship.
At the beginning of a D/s relationship, people are accomplished and negotiate their hard and soft limits. The Dominants have the obligation to respect that limits of the submissives, or at least not to try to force or transgress them without prior consent. In a Mistress / slave relationship, the slave leaves away the limits completely up to his Mistress’s consideration and prerogative, assuming that She knows his limits and how far to go.
Although, there are people who define themselves from the beginning as Mistresses and slaves, that is, they initiate the relationship with these roles. In my particular case, I consider that should be an evolution of a D/s relationship, which happens when the submissive knows the Dominant so well, he totally trust his safety and surrender to Her doing and will, and She knows the submissive so well, She understand his body, his needs, his limitations and decide for him.
In other words, slavery is the maximum expression of surrendering in a Female Lead Relationship (FLR).
These concepts also apply to other types of relationships in BDSM, but this blog is about Femdom, so I will always express myself in those terms.
So now, clearly said, speaking in the same terms and as if it were an add: Dómina is looking for a sub, even inexperienced, for a formal relationship.